After practicing experiencing life as the lucid dreamer and developing the habit of watching my thoughts and monitoring my vibrations, when something is amiss in my state of being, it becomes more and more obvious. Feeling powerless, hurt, or sad has become a sharp contrast to my “normal.” I don’t like it, and I don’t want it.
Sometimes, dealing with the negative vibration, thought or feeling is an easy fix. I just replace the thought or feeling with the highest vibration thought I can access. It’s like flipping a switch, and sometimes it’s just a short process of 1) noticing there’s something uncomfortable or negative. 2) recognizing the cause, and 3) consciously choosing again. Walk on.
But sometimes, it can be harder to find the switch. It’s usually not an issue of not noticing or recognizing the issue, but it seems more difficult to find the switch that flips the issue permanently.
When this happens, I can rest assured that one of my core limiting beliefs is still present and has shown itself. In the old paradigm, my response to its appearance goes something like this: “I can’t believe I am still screwed up! I have worked and worked at this, and it’s still here. I don’t know how to get free of this. Let me try harder. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.”
“Was I wrong to think I could heal this? Am I wrong about the whole thinking I’m waking up thing? Maybe I’ve been delusional. Look. I can’t seem to stop this. Let me try to access a thought that feels good. Oh, crap. Nothing makes me feel good about this. I just feel like crap about it, and I don’t know what to do.”
- I notice the thoughts I’m telling myself. I’m telling myself I’ll never get it, and I’m still screwed up. I recognize that I am creating that very situation by my thoughts about it. If I continue with these thoughts, I will continue to create an environment that keeps me stuck in that core belief.
- I remember that things come up to be cleared. The fact that this core belief still shows itself is not a failure, it’s actually proof that the system works. Now this is where the switch begins. I recognize that it’s helpful for it to come up again. It was the foundation for the old paradigm, and however long it takes to completely release it, I will still show up. I will do what it takes.
- Throwing the switch. It’s obvious that the energy HAS to change for the switch to flip. The easiest and most foolproof way to switch the energy to anything is to love it. In order to love the one who is still clinging to the core belief, I need to turn to her with compassion and total acceptance. I need to embrace the part of me that is still wounded and suffering. I need to recognize that her thought system was born in response to a story that she thought was real and cultivate true compassion for her.
In order to take this stance, I need to dis-identify with the sufferer and identify with the One who loves. I shift from identifying as the wounded personal self and adopt the perspective of the loving parent to myself. In actuality, it’s about embracing both parts of my being simultaneously.
In circumstances like this, I find it helpful to refer back to the idea of a vulnerable 5-yr-old. The wounded me is the child, and the higher Self is the loving parent. My self-talk goes something like this: “It’s okay, sweetheart. I understand why that hurts you. I promise it will all be okay. What can I do to make you feel better? Would a walk feel good?”
I noticed a breakthrough in my process when I was willing to let my wounded, crazy-making selves stay. I have said to those parts, “It’s okay if you’re messed up. It’s understandable even. Of course you’d be messed up about that after what you’ve experienced. I’m not going to try to change you or get rid of you. There is room for all of us here. You can stay as long as you like. I love you and embrace you just as you are.”
It may seem the opposite from what I am trying to do, which is to transcend and release all negative vibrations and thoughts from my experience. But love is the most powerful thought and vibration available, and the only real love is love of Self.
I remember that I signed up for this ride. I remember that my journey included challenges because that’s what I wanted. I didn’t come here to have an easy, blissful ride of it. That doesn’t cause growth. That’s not how consciousness recognizes itself. Everything is working beautifully, just as I’d planned. Why wouldn’t I love it? Why wouldn’t I accept the process I myself created, for the well-being of all?
From that point of acceptance and loving inclusion of myself, warts and all, how do I behave? What actions do I take?
I notice that the wounded child may not be finished with that dysfunctional relationship yet. I want her to be finished, but somehow she still wants it. She still wants to play at that game. I give her permission.
If she needs to be hurt by that person one more time, it’s okay. IF you really need to eat something that’s not good for your body, you can. Go ahead and try it again if you need to. How do I know? She is obviously not finished with that belief yet. Maybe something good will come of it. If she really still needs to do it, I let her have it, and I commit to love her through it. I commit to show up over and over and over again for the one who still suffers, no matter how long it takes. I refuse to abandon her or throw her out ever again.
What happens from that place of complete acceptance of my messed-up self appears to be a gradual process. She rises up less frequently and with less pain. It becomes easier to shift out of the suffering than it used to. It doesn’t take as long to process. I expect that eventually, she’ll be a soft background voice, a small temporary glitch in the joy ride. But if she isn’t, if she stays with me to the end of this experience, I will still love and accept her because she is part of my experience here, and I am willing to embrace all of it, even this.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
While I’ve clearly stated, over and over again, that my job here is to love my Self and open my heart to my own experience on Planet Human, that doesn’t mean that the work I do doesn’t affect the One of Us. In truth, it’s the only contribution I can make.
Because we are all joined in consciousness, everything I do to free myself contributes to the whole. When I learn to love myself on all levels, there is a part of that work that is done on behalf of all of us. When I learn to embrace my entire experience, no matter what, I give some of that to us all. And when I empower myself through love, I empower all of us. That’s how this game works. We are one, and we are many. We are the one expanding and expressing through interacting with our own reflection. It’s an awesome set-up, and I can only play one particular character at a time. I can, however, move the game along by contributing to the overall energy and momentum of the game itself. In truth, I always have.